A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" 
The woman says, "I'll miss you." 

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" 
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. 

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really bad. 
She said - Well, you succeeded. 

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? 
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. 

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? 
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror 

Q What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? 
A rumor 

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. 
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" 
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" 
He yelled back, "West Virginia University." 
And they say blondes are dumb.... 

contributed by gs