A reference guide to what guys really mean when they say something
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"I'm going fishing." Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself
dangerously stupid, and stand
by a stream with a stick in my
hand, while the fish swim by in
complete safety." 
"It's a guy thing." Really means...
"There is no rational thought
pattern connected with it and
you have no chance at all of
making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the
table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey,"
or "Yes, dear."
Really means...
Absolutely nothing. It's a
conditioned response.
"It would take too long
to explain."
Really means...
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more
exercise lately."
Really means...
"The batteries in the remote are
dead."
"We're going to be late." Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse
to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey,
you're working too hard."
Really means...
"I can't hear the game over the
vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, Dear." Really means...
"Are you still talking?"
"You expect too much
of me."
Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie." Really means...
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars
and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work." Really means...
"It's difficult, dirty, and
thankless."
"Will you marry me?" Really means...
"Both my roommates have
moved out, I can't find the
washer, and there is no more
peanut butter."
"You know how bad my
memory is."
Really means...
"I remember the theme song to
'F Troop', the address of the first
girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle
Identification Numbers of every
car I've ever owned, but I forgot
your birthday."
"I was just thinking about
you, and got you
these roses."
Really means...
"The girl selling them on the
corner was a real babe."
"I do help around
the house."
Really means...
"I once put a dirty towel in the
laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons
for what I'm doing."
Really means...
"And I sure hope I think of some
pretty soon."
"I can't find it." Really means...
"It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely
clueless."
"What did I do this time?" Really means...
"What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you." Really means...
"I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said and am hoping
desperately that I can fake it well
enough so that you don't spend the
next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never
love anyone else."
Really means...
"I am used to the way you yell
at me, and realize it could be
worse."
"You look terrific." Really means...
"Oh, God, please don't try on
one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present." Really means...
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you." Really means...
"I can't find my sock drawer, the
kids are hungry and we are out
of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly
where we are."
Really means...
"No one will ever see us alive
again."
"We share the housework." Really means...
"I make the messes, she cleans
them up."
"This relationship is
getting too serious."
Really means...
"I like you more than my truck."
"I don't need to read
the instructions."
Really means...
"I am perfectly capable of
screwing it up without printed
help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal
later."
Really means...
"If I wait long enough you'll get
frustrated and buy a new one."

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